Excerpt: Domestic Relations

“Your honor, my esteemed colleague is completely out of order!”

“I decide who’s out of order in my courtroom, Mr. Devon, and at the moment I suggest you sit down and refrain from any further outbursts.” The judge’s voice rang through the courtroom, hushing the titter of whispers from the gallery.

Josh Devon threaded a hand through his blond curls, brown eyes glowering as he shot his colleague a look of pure contempt. “But your honor, I clearly must object to Mr. Callahan’s abrasive views that my client is homophobic. This case has nothing to do with being gay and everything to do with the complainant’s lack of restraint when it comes to public affection in the office.”

“Kissing your lover goodbye at the door of the building is lack of restraint?” Riley Callahan piped up. He snuck a peek at his opposition before rolling his eyes and turning back to the judge. “Unless my colleague is solely aware of some archaic statute regarding public affection, he’s offensively the one out of order.”

“Mr. Callahan—“

“It is clearly lack of restraint when there is tongue involved and you are employed for a company supplying religious and missionary supplies to third-world countries. And you know how the saying goes, Judge, a slip of tongue at the door only leads to a slip of penis in the office.

“Mr. Devon!”

“Oh, please, your honor. That isn’t even a real saying. What Mr. Devon is actually stating is my client works for a right-wing bigot who finds it perfectly acceptable for a man to kiss his wife goodbye but not his boyfriend.”

“That’s bullshit and you… my colleague knows it, your honor.”

“Language, Mr. Devon. You’ve already been warned once. I won’t tolerate it again.”

“You heard the judge, Devon. Sit down and take your punishment like a man.” The dark-haired lawyer smirked, blue eyes shifting momentarily to Devon before dipping back down to peer at his notes.

“Mr. Callahan!”

“My apologies to the court, Your Honor. I don’t know what came over me.” Callahan forced his smirk into a look of concern, straightening his tie in a show of respect.

“Lying bastard,” Devon hissed, narrowing his eyes as he glared to the side.

The judge thumped his gavel on the desk, the bang shattering the now-silent courtroom. “Mr. Devon. One more outburst and I shall surely find you in contempt.”

“I humbly apologize for my colleague’s obvious delay in the proceedings,” Callahan said.

“Don’t apologize for me, Callahan. If your client wasn’t such a goddamn liar and drama queen, I wouldn’t be required to have any outbursts at all.”

Bang! Bang!

“That, Mr. Devon, is the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Bailiff, please remove Mr. Devon from the courtroom.”

“But your honor…” Devon protested.

“Perhaps a few hours in a cell will remind you to use your manners and quiet voice in my courtroom, Mr. Devon. Court is recessed until tomorrow.”

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